Bob meets the tea seller

I loved me some tea, I drank it all the time, especially while watching the debate with my fellow kippers. When I was young, my family moved from the green hills of Hartlepoole to the rough estates of Yorkshire, for their quality cups of ‘Corbyn’ tea. Every morning the free tea van rolled around our estate, handing out the Corbyn tea that I had heard so much about. People who drank such tea were generally students, who smoked cannabis and had never had a job. The first morning I had this ‘Corbyn tea’, I was immediately hooked. It tasted fantastic and the books were balanced, it tasted of equality for the workers. The second day when the van rolled up, I ordered my tea as usual, but something was different this time. The usual haze of cannabis smoke coming from the Corbyn tea drinkers stung my eyes. I walked away with haste to enjoy my lefty tea, but I soon threw it down in disgust. The tea was riddled with brown creatures. These creatures invaded the tea, and spread their agenda, causing the tea to become rotten and spoiled. I went and bought another tea, but this tea was advocating for women's rights while belittling men. I ran out to complain about the state of the tea, and I noticed the Corbyn tea drinkers were in a trance, their dreads blinding their view of common sense. Me and my kipper friends were the only ones who saw through the evil leftist spell, and their attempt to poison the earth with equality. I grabbed the tea seller from his van and confronted him. As I did this I realized the tea seller was Jeremy Corbyn himself. In a fit of right wing rage, I collapsed. I belonged to Corbyn now, his lefty tendrils sucking the taxpayers money and giving it to the migrants. But, as I was about to die I saw a light. Farage appeared in front of me, decapitating Corbyn where he stood. “You can’t barrage the Farage” he said to me in a soft, manly tone. I stared in right wing awe. It was over. The era of delusional pot smoking students had ended, and the era of a glorious Britain was about to begin, finally free of the EU.